Sanibonani 🙂 (Hello in Zulu)
My post this week is going to be a bit different. About a month before I came here, I wrote down some thoughts and experiences I was going through at that time. I hardly write things down, but that specific time, I thought that it’s something worth noting. So the reason I want to post that what I believe I received from God then, is that this past week every detail was highlighted again. I think it’s interesting that God just deepens our knowledge of Him every day.
So, here it goes, this is exactly what I wrote down then (I didn’t date it, but it was roughly mid August)
Crazy beautiful love
God is love. Three words, that is simple, yet so layered. My whole Christian walk, I have struggled with God’s love, and how I am supposed to love God. I didn’t feel I live up to God’s standard of loving Him. I couldn’t wrap my brain around loving God, who I cannot see.
But I continued walking the way I was trained to. Reading Bible, praying, doing good etc. Not that I never received revelation of His love, I did, many times, But revelation and putting into practise are two different things, because I didn’t know what the practise looks like. Surely it can’t be what I have experienced thus far?
A scripture I’ve always been afraid of is Matthew 7:21-23
21 “Not everyone who calls out to me ‘Lord, Lord’ will enter the Kingdom of heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father will enter heaven. Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’ 23″And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTISE LAWLESSNESS”
This struck fear into me, what if what I am doing now on this earth, is not enough. Just saying those words – reeks of a religious spirit. As trying to win God’s favour. Now, I know I’ve been saved by grace. I know my acts on earth is not to save me; it’s done. Whatever I do here is out of worship and awe and love for God. Now the fact that I know this in my head, did not seep down to my heart. My heart still deceived me in saying that ‘God can’t actually be pleased with you? Really? What have you done for him, what have you really done… You don’t know His will for your life, you don’t hear his voice.’
I was literally fearful. That I will come judgement day, and he will send me away. But i never dealt with why I felt this way. I calmed myself down, saying to myself “you are saved. you are truly saved, ” saying it over and over. Doubt and fear. Jeez, it’s exhausting… it keeps me from living in the rest of God, in joy and peace and just in rest.
I came across a website dealing with spiritual roots of diseases. Now I’m not sick, but I have an interest in this. Started reading the teachings, and the one was on God’s love. Now, those who know me, know, I love God’s word; it brings me joy when the Word makes sense, that’s my pleasure. And this lady speaks on receiving God’s love, and religious spirits. I recognised a lot of me right there. All the striving. that’s a religious spirit. I commanded it to go. It has no place in me. God loves me. God is love, as simple as that. But what now?
Then for the first time my eyes opened to the book of 1 John. Now I’ve had this idea that I got from reading scriptures, that loving God is equal to loving people. Right, everyone knows that. But the way John writes blew my mind. How can you say you love God, you can’t see Him. God knows our human barriers. We are visual people. But he says by loving one another, God’s love is perfected in us.
We all know the scripture – perfect love casts out all fear, but have we read the context of it. I haven’t. And it addressed my original fear sited in Matthew.
“And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgement, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus in this world. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that have not fully experienced his love” (1John 4:17 – 18)
Now, this scripture addressed a fear I’ve had for years!!!!! That I am not good enough. As we live in Christ, his love is being perfected in us. Sealing our identity in Christ’s love, we are living like him. He knew who he was, and he loved others completely, no limits, everything he did, he did for others. If God’s love is being perfected in me, I have no reason to fear punishment. For if I do fear punishment, I don’t know God’s love yet. So as I write this. I say Lord” I receive your love, the love you gave on Calvary, the love you continually bestow on me, you lavish me with you love. For I am your daughter. My spirit cries out with your spirit, Abba father’ that is my identity in you Lord. “Help me never to fear punishment again, perfect your love in me, I want to live like Jesus did, poured out for others. Loving God means loving people. It’s not separate, it doesn’t stand separate from each other. There is no way I can say I love God, but I do not make the choice to love my brother and sister. May Christ show me how to love practically every day. My heart is for you Lord. Fill it till it overflows. I can say with confidence: I love You.
So I wrote that before I came here, and this week God just brought all of that up again. We were dealing with intimacy with God and the speaker so truthfully said. “We cannot experience intimacy with God if we don’t catch His grace.” Living from the the truth of grace just takes our relationship with God to that of fellowship and communing with Him.
I trust as you read a bit about what’s on my heart, God will speak to you, even if you don’t agree with what I wrote, but that the Lord will open up your heart to receive His grace and love.
God bless… Have an amazing week.